I have mixed emotions about my sons upcoming surgery. I take everyday one day at a time put I feel when it comes closer to the time I have been having panic attacks. I enjoy every minuet that I have with my boys. Everyone says he will be ok and not to worry. but reality what if they are wrong. I wish people would not tell me that he will be fine. It doesnt take any fear away. I want to say what if he isn't can I come to you and say you were wrong. I think about my son every moment now. I go home just to see his smiling face. His warm and caring personality and I think is this it is this going to be the last moments that I have with him. What am I going to do wihtout him. Each moment is so precious I watch him sleep at night and pray. All I can do is pray.
Am I really making the right decision to have this surgery. I know that I have no other choice. If I lose him is it the right choice. Thank you for letting me vent. I hope someone is listening. I feel like I'm falling apart. Here I will say it for everyone I am falling apart. So much is going through my mind this sadness overwhelms me and this antisipatory grief is enveloping me.