Reading through my facebook updates as most of us do usually is a fun process of catching up with friends (most of mine from the Duchenne scene) and putting our ideas up for all to see.
Tonight I was reading through as normal but one sentence really struck me and hit hard. It was mentioning hugs and kissing. Somehow tonight I immediately thought of never having been kissed, I thought this may not happen either as im increasingly stuck at home. It made me feel so awful that I quietly cried to myself, my eyes watering as best they could at least (I find crying difficult because of my muscle weakness). It's true I've had 3 girlfriends. The first one just held my hand but we never had the time to have the first kiss on the lips as my DMD got worse. It snatched me away to intensive care as I struggled and nearly died after a nasty bout of bi-lateral bronchopneumonia. Thankfully I recoved but it left me needing a ventilator and my mini tracheotomy. I had to stop school and my contact with my very first gf tailed off until she ended it. My next two gf's were failed online romances we were likely never to meet so painfully they had to be ended.
I feel silly because I don't even know how to kiss properly, I know how to 'peck' someone on the cheek but the other kind of kissing I have not a clue about. If I did eventually happen to find the right someone I might embarrass myself not knowing what to do. But hey I've always got hope that i'll find someone but who knows how long I have left to wait.
The quest goes on.