Rita Felling's Blog (38)

small efforts make miracles

The heat soared to record temps of 100 degrees.  I stood on my shoreline looking out towards the small island. The lake seemed  void of any life.  Not even the ducks were out swimming now.  The water felt  almost  as warm as a drawn bath and the soft sand beneath me squished in be tween my toes.  Standing in the water felt good and somewhat cooler than the  thick July air.  I wanted desperately to enjoy some outdoor time with my sons, but the weather forecast for the next few days showed no…


Added by Rita Felling on July 5, 2012 at 7:02pm — No Comments


Slowly I backed  my van  toward the single  cement step leading up to my front door.  This appeared  to be the easiest way for me to load Josiah and Cody's motorized wheelchairs into the rear end of my navy blue Dodge Caravan.  I knew I would still have to use our clunky awkward but dependable, steal portable suitcase ramp to drive  the chairs across on entry.   However, I felt somewhat  relaxed with the  low incline- from going  step to van, and bridging with the ramp. A welcome relief for …


Added by Rita Felling on July 4, 2012 at 2:08am — 1 Comment

my image

Josiah sat next to me brushing his teeth. While  I brushed my hair looking in  his large bathroom mirror,  I glanced over at him.  I was  so happy and proud that  he could still manage this task by himself. Reaching over towards him I placed a free standing counter mirror in front of him, just in case he wanted to see for himself the beautiful job he was doing. Josiah kept busy with his grooming and never glanced over at the mirror.   Smiling at him I suggested he see how gleaming white his…


Added by Rita Felling on March 25, 2012 at 11:59pm — 2 Comments

Do I believe

Do I believe

At first I felt nothing.  Listening to him I felt numb, as though all life had just been drained from me. I stood frozen unable to move or think.  I watched as the Doctors lips moved while he spoke to me.  His tired red eyes teared as he looked into mine. Deep inside me, I already somehow knew what he was telling me. …


Added by Rita Felling on February 6, 2012 at 2:14am — No Comments


I am not sure how long we sat there together. Me trapped underneath my eighteen year old Cody. His immobile body laid across my hips and chest. The more I squirmed the more I could feel our bodies sink in to the crater that was forming beneath us. Gently I tried to roll Cody to his side, the effort seemed almost useless. He was completely unable to move his legs with out help. Help, well that was a thought. Help from where…

Added by Rita Felling on January 14, 2012 at 2:57am — 1 Comment

trust in Jesus

We walked together quietly for sometime, our fingers entwined slightly. The moon glistened on the newly fallen dusting of snow. I looked up at the stars that brightly lit up the night sky. The last year had been very tough on us, especially Josiah, it made me feel stronger to have him with me now. Some how he always helped me find peace in my broken shaken world. His hand gently squeezed mine. I stopped and looked at him momentarily, I wanted to know why. Why, was there so much pain in this…


Added by Rita Felling on January 2, 2012 at 3:42am — No Comments

mean girls

Lost in my thoughts I walked slowly through the mall. Remnants of Christmas still lingered in the store front windows, next to large sale signs. Unlike the weeks before Christmas the crowds of mall shoppers had diminished. However, tonight youthful noise bustled all around me. I noticed a few groups of challenged young adults casually strolled around shopping with PCA's. No doubt the mild weather and low crowds made for a…

Added by Rita Felling on December 30, 2011 at 7:47pm — 2 Comments


Gently I laid my hand across Josiah's chest. Even before I could feel his heart racing I could see beneath his shirt, rapid palpitating. Fear began to invade me as I looked into his deep brown eyes. Josiah knew what was happening, softly he described his symptoms to me while I adjusted his thin body on the bed. Trying to give comfort to both of us, I reminded Josiah of his last visit with his cardiologist and our discussion.…


Added by Rita Felling on December 29, 2011 at 5:30am — 1 Comment

Thanksgiving 2011

I marveled at the very intense expression on my nephews face as I looked at the photos of him running in a track meet. With his lips half curled, caught in a snarling grin I could almost feel the intesity of his attempt to catch up to the runner in front of him. His long sleek limbs stretched in a paused motion, defining his athletic toned muscles. I smiled to myself remembering the clumsy awkward toddler he once was. The…

Added by Rita Felling on November 29, 2011 at 6:52pm — 1 Comment


When I walked

My Josiah asked me today if I can remember when he walked. So simple and matter of fact, looking at me while I helped him dress, he waited for my response. I stopped and looked down into his beautiful deep brown eyes. Half afraid where this may be headed with memories of him walking starting to flood my mind, I searched his face for…

Added by Rita Felling on November 11, 2011 at 3:00am — 2 Comments

trick or treating with Santa

It was three o'clock and I decided to stand outside to wait in my new hot pink beehive wig. Just as I finished adjusting the three plastic black spiders, that cascaded down the sides, I saw the school bus coming. It did not take long for my Josiah to notice. He immediately lifted his head smiling.

I watched as the bus aid began to unbuckle the tie downs that kept his wheelchair in place. His smile widening as I blew him a kiss. Strapped behind Josiah was my middle son Cody. He was…


Added by Rita Felling on November 2, 2011 at 2:50am — No Comments

a little angel

Laughter echoed from down the hallway. I paused folding the laundry momentarily to listen. It was MEA week and my two younger sons were off from school for the next few days. We had happily agreed to entertain my nine year old niece Kayla and her friend Meaghan during this time. Just the week before my boys had mentioned they missed playing with their cousin Kayla and wondered when we could have her stay over again. It is wonderful sometimes how things can just magically fall into place.…


Added by Rita Felling on October 20, 2011 at 12:00am — 1 Comment

a week away

My son Zach let know immediately upon the return from my "moms week away" how happy he was to have me back at home and resume my role as mother. He had graciously accepted the responsibility of caring for his two disabled younger brothers, while I spent a week in Vegas with my two sisters, relaxing and enjoying some much needed time off. As he wrapped his arms around me to welcome me home he whispered that everything had…

Added by Rita Felling on October 17, 2011 at 2:38am — 1 Comment

Labor Day

I put on my green water waders pulling them over my knees, tightening the straps around my slender thighs. Stepping off the dock into the lake, instantly I could feel the coolness of the water through the rubber, as it encircled my boots. I scanned the shore line, following its path as far as I could see. The worn earth from the summers flooding made the banks appear almost jagged in spots. It was clear there was so much needed work ahead. Mechanically I began moving rocks back to the shores… Continue

Added by Rita Felling on September 3, 2011 at 12:31pm — No Comments

the tooth brush

the tooth brush

Glancing at the clock on the wall I noticed it was already a little past 11:30pm. Where did the time go, I thought to myself. I still had a sink full of dirty dishes to wash. The boys had not been given their evening dose of meds yet and laundry laid piled in a heap at one end of the sofa. I knew the dishes and laundry could wait but Cody and Josiah really needed to be off to bed now and getting them to bed… Continue

Added by Rita Felling on July 31, 2011 at 4:00am — No Comments

the night call

the night call

I arose from a deep sleep upon hearing my little Josiah softly ask me to come check his heart. I quickly pressed the return call button on the monitor to let him know I was on my way. Without hesitation I was up rushing to his room. Josiah immediately whispered he…

Added by Rita Felling on July 3, 2011 at 12:42am — No Comments


Path ways

I looked out the window today at the heart shaped path a friend had plowed for me the weekend before. The lake descending from my back yard now frozen was bare, except for my heart. I followed the long path from my knee deep snowed covered yard, leading to the shoreline. Then continued, stretching out to the corridor of plowed snow, several yards onto the lake. Alone in my…

Added by Rita Felling on February 12, 2011 at 5:38pm — No Comments


Share my beautiful dog followed me with her black round eyes as I moved around my room, clearing a space close to my bed for her to rest. She laid her head down on the side of her cushioned flowered bed as I approached her. It had been a very rough day for both of us and it did not seem to be improving. I wanted to hang onto the words the vet had said earlier that day. Keep her comfortable and try to get her drink, she would be fine tonight. He wanted to see…

Added by Rita Felling on January 19, 2011 at 12:24am — No Comments


Josiah bent over to pick up a Lego piece that had slipped from his fingers to the floor. I watched silently as his shoulders slumped forward in an awkward tilt. It was becoming increasingly harder for him lately to force himself upright again. He managed and I felt some relief. He was still finding away to continue this ability. It was however, more apparent, the rapid loss of strength he was experiencing. I could feel some anger once again growing with in…

Added by Rita Felling on January 18, 2011 at 10:56pm — 1 Comment

lego athlete

Today I decided to stop wondering what it might be like to see Cody

shoot a basket during a basket ball game. Or see Josiah hit a baseball

and run like the wind to get on base. In stead I took a deep breath and

sat down be side my sons as they put together a new Lego kit. I leaned

in between them fitting myself in the tiny space between their wheeled

chairs. Happily they made efforts to pull themselves a few inches over

to allow me space enough to be apart of their… Continue

Added by Rita Felling on November 17, 2010 at 12:52am — 4 Comments

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