Welcome! I am going to start a discussion on sibling rivalry and see if that increases the conversation on the Sibling Forum. Looking over the past posts (scattered over several years) seems like sib rivalry is the most common issue brought up. Sometimes it seems like one more item in the lottery of family-having. Will my kids be healthy? Will they get along?? Both with tremendous impact on one's life, not to mention theirs!! But, after all, that *is* life I suppose one could say. Anyway, let's see what happens!
btw (By the way), now that Mom has been with us over a year, one of the major things I long for is time to be "by myself, away" [for a while, at home] from my mom and from being on call. There is a state of readiness that wears one out. I wonder how much of that would be inherent in parenting, and how much is unique to disability among family members. I'm thinking of decorating and furnishing my walk-in closet!! ;) Seriously.
Here's one angle on Jacob--could it be that his resentment goes hand-in-hand with his awareness of Joshua's needs and his own better health putting him in a position of obligation, morally, to help? That awareness and compassion is vying with his natural child's desire to fulfill his own needs first (most kids having to learn to overcome ego-centered motivations). In other words, maybe his resentment stems not just from resenting his life being impacted by something that happened not to him, but to his brother, but from his conflict over what he thinks it would be good and noble to feel and what his normal self wants to do.
I distinctly remember at age 10 or earlier, lying on my bed thinking angrily, "I should be able to have a *normal* (read, *perfect*) childhood!! Instead, look at me! at us! Grrrrr...."
That pretty well sums up Jacob! He's the only healthy one in the family! His brother has DMD, I have epilepsy, and his dad has Fibromyalgia. We're one "sick" family with no sarcasm intended.
Jacob doesn't want to talk, but does keep a diary. We are allowed to read it when he is ready to talk though. It was a slap in the face to him when Joshua needed to start therapies and was able to talk! There is an age gap of 4 years, but Jacob is way too mature for his age. I think that has a lot to do with family health problems. He is also starting puberty which adds to the anger issues too.
Sometimes my white hair starts to grow faster than I ever thought it would!!!
It's incredible that the last posts are from March this year. Seems much longer ago than that! In April, on my mom's 90th birthday, a guy ran into us at a busy intersection. Mom suffered a sprained knee, I got bruises from steering wheel and airbag, and a concussion from "shaken brain" when we hit. It could have been much worse, though not for the car, which was totaled due to the airbag deployment. Well, at least the airbags saved us from worse injuries.
Through a number of ups and downs, Mom eventually declined and passed away on July 17. I don't think I have ever felt so strongly the centrality of our little family of four (Mom, Dad, Alan, and me) as in Mom's last moments. I had been playing a lot of her old favorite cassettes in the preceding days, then on the afternoon she died I had sung to her every song I could remember any words to at all. Then I made one up about our family...and she was gone.
It was my pleasure to take care of her because she'd cared for my brother all those years ago!