Welcome to Holland! I am so sorry to hear about Ryan. It will get better. you need to give yourself time though. allow yourself to cry and feel. One day you will wake up and say OK enough crying(for now anyway) and you will pull up your boot straps and do what you have to for that precious little boy and your little girl. Other days you will just want to cry and sit on the couch but like Jill said the good will out number the bad. and then when you are feeling great some little thing will happen and you will start crying again. one thing I have learned is this is all normal and "our" definition of normal encompasses alot of things.
My dad lives in Hammock Beach and we visit a couple times a year, maybe we could meet up next time we go???
So glad you found PPMD, as it is a great organization and the parents on this board are so helpful and knowledgeable. You will come to think of them as extended family, at least I have. I am so sorry to hear of Ryan's recent diagnosis. I read your post on the early years group and hope your summer will go better. You haven't even known a month right?? May 29, did you say? It does get easier, or at least you find yourself better able to cope, smile, laugh, etc. I think you just can't live at that level of despair for long. You will find that the "good" days will eventually out number the "bad" days. There is promising research on the horizon, so we have even more reason to hope!! Will be thinking of you. Jill