Fed up of people telling me how to feel, how to be positive.
Sometimes I am, hiding my feelings under that thin veneer of a laid back
jokey positive person.
Other times I'm in a depth of darkness, lost and fighting my way out of
How do I really feel, I'm dying to be free of this wretched body,
I wanna do things, play guitars, properly hold someone close, make love to
someone special, go for quiet runs in the park, stand in a tranquil setting
putting real paint on a real canvas, eating steaming bags of fish and chips (fries),
driving fast cars, visiting the world. I don't want to do these things in
an alternative way or do something else. I want to eat solid food the normal way
being able to swallow it as most of the population does. Blended food might taste similar
but it doesn't replicate crunching or biting your way through something. Food is just energy
now, no fun in it. I have to choose my meals the day before I eat it, no spontaneous 'oh i'll
have that for a change'. No cakes, No sweets(candy) Nothing naughty but nice.
It gets me down but I have to carry on but I've had enough. Just wanna cry
all my fears out but gee I can't even do that right. I know I can do stuff and I cling on to that but even what I can do is getting harder
how do I cope? You know sometimes I'd just like some sympathy instead of constant advice that confuses me, I know people wanna help but sometimes you just want a hug and nothing else.
I instensly dislike DMD.