so, i have always been a bit controlling, ok, my family would say more than a bit. with the birth of my first son austin i became even more of a control freak. from diapering to feeding to tv veiwing, i knew how i wanted MY son raised. i found myself leaving any sitter with a detailed list of how to care for my baby, and was unable to relax any time i was not near him, for fear he may watch an extra 5 minutes of barney, or not wash his face before bed. ( you get the point) well, needless to say when my boys were diagnosed with DMD i was heartbroken on so many levels. no amount of breastfeeding, music classes, organic shampoo or educational television had prevented them from having duchenne. even worse i couldnt DO anything. i was frozen. so, we ate pizza. lots of it. we watched anything we wanted to. i bought toys. not just wooden, educational, made in the USA toys, plastic over-priced low quality junk that i had forbidden from my home. something just clicked in my head. i still believe in that life, the one i had wanted for my boys. i believe that america has too much plastic, food additives and tv violence. we eat organic, shop in thrift stores and try to choose books over disney flicks. but i just realized that we have to control the important things and let the rest go. we went to disney world in januray. IT WAS GREAT! ( i hate disney for so many reasons...) the boys got hot lunch today, way too much salt, but once in a while it wont kill them and they truely wanted to try it. we have 4 rooms in our home devoted to toys ( the ones i hate). did i mention the second morgage we took out on our home to put in an indoor pool? ( debt makes me almost as stick to my stomach as the idea of my kids in chlorine). this may not be the life i had imagined, ok, so, parts of it are worse than i had ever imagined ( the part where my son slowely is losing his ability to move on his own) but this is our life, and whoever has got control isn't doing too badly.

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Comment by jenn on March 10, 2009 at 7:36pm
its funny, a while back i read your blog about pressure... i felt like you read my mind

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