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Finding Time for Yourself

I wish I had the right words to express how to really take care of yourself...especially if you are a single parent. It's not easy. As your boys grow older and you might have less support from family and friends, you will find how exhausting mentally, physically and emotionally it will get. As least it was to late for me.

I use to live in the area where there was NOTIHING for children with disabilities. Now that we are in the Gainesville area, we are finally getting respite care and Home health. Thank god. but often just not enough at times. I desperately need to take a break. Go away for a few days or more. Tim's dad, Victor, who has pretty much I can say has abandoned Tim due to his own high ego. The man lives in a million dollar house, makes good money, and yet he owes almost $15,000 in child support. Knowing the situation, he chooses not to come down here to spend time with Tim or chooses not to have Tim spend time with him in Maryland. He claims that he will be willing to pay someone to stay with Tim, only to back out of the promise and had the nerve to later tell me that I don't deserve a break since Tim can "die at any time and I need to be there when he does."

Yes!!

I have been under so much stresss, with Tim in and out of the hospital this summer (4x's now). Then the other night, I discoverd a lump on my left breast. Ok...I have alot going but now this?! Why now? Why me? This is just not right! I'm not sure what more I can handle. I'm so exhausted, to tired to fight now. I don't have the energy anymore. I would like at least 4-5 days to myself, but now I have to deal with my own illness for maybe my own survivor.

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Permalink Reply by Dee on August 18, 2009 at 12:49am

For some reason, trying to write in my discussion, gave me problems so I had to post it and maybe finish here.

It's pretty bad that you lack support from family and friends, especially Tim's dad who is more of a coward by running away. But when your own health is at risk, who becomes the caregiver now? I don't know what to do next. I will wait for tests results of the lump, but I have to also consider that maybe...just maybe...God is testing me, testing my faith in Him.

Just wondering if I'm passing?

Permalink Reply by Jacobs Mommom on August 18, 2009 at 11:38am

I'm not quite sure how to answer your post but I do know that you have so much more strenghth than Victor and you at least just found the lump so you have caught it early which what you needed to do. I can imagine how stressed out and depressed this can all make a single mom. Lean on those that will allow you to or ask your doctor to refer you to someone who will listen and help you get it all out.
Know I'm thinking of you.

Dee said:

For some reason, trying to write in my discussion, gave me problems so I had to post it and maybe finish here.

It's pretty bad that you lack support from family and friends, especially Tim's dad who is more of a coward by running away. But when your own health is at risk, who becomes the caregiver now? I don't know what to do next. I will wait for tests results of the lump, but I have to also consider that maybe...just maybe...God is testing me, testing my faith in Him.

Just wondering if I'm passing?

Permalink Reply by Ann Avery on September 21, 2009 at 2:02pm

Dee, I wish I could give both you and Tim a big hug! I also wish I lived near you to take some of your burden while you learn HOW to take care of yourself. It is not easy when you are THE caregiver. Why has Tim been in the hospital so much recently? Three women I know have been through breast cancer recently, and all are doing well so far. And for two of the women it followed another stressful event in their lives, which is really not fair! But, we dmd moms are sorta used to "not fair" aren't we? Please keep us updated about you and Tim, because we are your supporters in every way. We won't abandon you. We care. Ann

Permalink Reply by Little-Liams-Mum on December 19, 2009 at 7:10pm

Hi Dee. Wow its like reading a page out of my own book. I'm a single mom to my young boy Liam and his father luckly has him and his brothers every second weekend but in saying that he dosn't really do anything with them like activities and wont take the proper equipment that liam's needs even for everyday use so they pretty much sit around doing nothing all weekend with maybe the odd visit to his nanas but thats as far as it goes, the boys often ask do we have to go to dads and get upset but i just reassure them and say itl be alright even though i worry like anything. Recently i too have found a rather large lump in my breast and have been for the first scan and am about to have a biopsy done to tell wether it is cancer or not and right on christmas here in Nz, yes i feel like God is trying to push me to my limits also with everything that we all deal with having such special kids then to have your own health down is not good and can be depressing i do it all on my own raising my other three children plus i do all cares for Liam, I did have a care giver but it really didnt work out so i bit the bullet and do it myself. I really feel for you and understand it is very difficult but somewhere and somehow we manage to get the strength to carry on. Love From Little Liams family and me Jo.

Permalink Reply by Sharon Malone-Dugan on January 28, 2010 at 10:39pm

This all sounds so familiar to me. And it wasn't even 5 years ago that I was in similar siuaution with my son, and being a single mom. After Erich had his tracheotomy, his dad no longer took him every other weekend. I am not sure if he was afraid or what the story was,. He did still see them but never at his house or overnight. I know that Erichs dad wished he had handled it differently after Erich died; he really did miss out alot by not spending the time with him.
Erich passed away when he was 24 and I know how difficult it can be at times, especailly as our sons get older, heavier and begin to face other physical and emotinal issues. But even as hard as it gets, never give up on your sons. I would trade this physically easier life I have now in an instant to have Erich back. I remember those days and especailly nights of Erich waking up and calling my name so so many times during the night, and I will admit even yelling at him that i cannot get up one more time; and now thinking back on those times, I should have had more patience and more endurance; but at the time it happens we cannot find that strength to get up one more time.
If our sons did not have us, they would not have the wondeful lifes they do. I have been told by many people that God picked us becasue he knew no matter what came our way...we were strong enough to endure and compassionate enough to love them with every breath we took. Be good to yourself as without you, your sons will be lost.

Permalink Reply by Leigh Alisen Pernosky on June 17, 2011 at 1:11am