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Bereaved Parents

For those who have lost a child.

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Latest Activity: May 3

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Comment by Robyn Hoffman on May 18, 2009 at 8:31pm
Kim;
You challenges right now appear overwhelming... Be strong, stay centered maintain your focus and live each day to the fullest. If you can keep your spirit on track and trust in God, your care team will look after the rest!
You are in my prayers!
Robyn
Comment by Mary Sahagun on May 18, 2009 at 2:27pm
I, for one, don't mind at all. I will remember you in my prayers. You hang in there and beat this thing! I am so sorry that you are going through all this.
Take care Kim.

Love, Mary
Comment by Kimberly Foernsler on May 18, 2009 at 11:43am
In need of your prayers!!

I finally started paying attention to all the things going on with my body a year after Kory's death. There were so many things that I ignored for years. In August of last year, I found out that I have Graves Disease. Graves Disease is an autoimmune disease and has tons of symptoms. I had several of the symptoms since my late 20s and early 30s. It was a long journey and finally resulted in me having my thyroid removed in February of this year. After it was removed they found out that I had a small malignant tumor within the thyroid. It wasn't a big deal because if you are going to have cancer it's one of the best places since you don't really need your thyroid. They felt that since my thyroid was gone I would be fine.

Two weeks after this surgery I ended up back in the hospital. They did a CT scan and found a large mass in my adrenal gland. They are running test to determine the best route to take regarding this mass. Apparently, this is something that is found often and usually doesn’t mean anything. So, at this point I don't really know what it is but I’m scheduled for another scan in July. Around this same time, I had small bump come up on my tongue. I ignored it at first as it wasn't hurting. Four weeks ago it got bigger and began to bother me so I went to the dentist. The dentist was concerned and sent me to an oral surgeon. The oral surgeon decided that we needed to do a biopsy. A little over a week ago I was put to sleep and the section of my tongue was removed. This is very painful!! The results came back last week and it was cancer. Now they feel like I have cancer coming from somewhere else. I've been referred to an oncologist and see him next week.

In addition, my blood work from my primary care doctor shows my bone is wasting. He is doing a more blood work to find out the cause. I could go on and on about the numerous symptoms that I’ve had or that I currently have. These issues keep coming at me. I'm trying hard to keep a positive attitude but sometimes it's difficult.

I'm reaching out to everyone and begging for your prayers. Although none of us have ever met and I know this board isn't about this kind of stuff but I think of all of you as my family and friends. I hope you don't mind me asking here!!
Comment by Robyn Hoffman on May 11, 2009 at 11:42am
Ana-
I hear your profound sadness, and I believe that your daughter needs you to seek assiatnce to manage the grief you are weighted down with.

My daughter is 4 years younger than her brother was. I struggled over the years to separate the needs of both of my children then the unique needs of both of my adults children. My daughter made huge sacrifices for her brother in doing without alot of very needed attention... a reality but still difficult when you have a child with special needs.

Looking forward for myself- I need to cherish the memories, have no regrets and move forward with my daughter and her step dad. Life can be beautiful in a new exciting way- you just have to be brave and trust in God's strength to guide you when it is harder to do.

Curt's ashes is only a tangible symbol and I don't focus upon these as being a link to him. My link is formed over the years of memories, fun times, hard work and dedication to his every need. He gave me direction as to being a better person, for this I thank him daily. I never wanted to loose him but, I could be so selfish to wish him a life with out end, in his challenges. He struggled bravely for as long as he could.

As mother's we need to balance our own needs and keep the needs of others in prospective so that we stay healthy.

Hope this bit of thought can be helpful in some small way-
Regards, Robyn
Comment by Ana on May 11, 2009 at 11:20am
Robyn - Thank you for sharing the poem! It was beautiful - and sad. If my Jeffrey could speak I wonder what he would say....... Very special having his ashes with you. I never thought of ashes until I lost Jeff. Being Catholic I always thought they frowned on that but now I feel different. After meeting Mary and her sharing Kenny with me I had a new appreciation for cremation. I wish I had done that myself. To keep my precious Jeffrey with me. Now all I have is a cold white slab of concrete which houses my precious son's body. I visit every single day - although Saturday I just could not bring myself to go. And it comforts me. But having his ashes with me always would have been very comforting.

Gisel - I feel you saddness coming through your words. Your experience is so real - both filled with happy and sad. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. It will never be ok and your pain will never lessen. But we can all learn to live again - just in a different way.

speaking for myself I carry such a saddness. At times it is unberable. I barely made it through mother's day and stayed away from people. I did not want anyone to say the dreaded happy mother's day. It will never be a happy mother's day for me. My little Gabriella tried to make it happy. She gave me the biggest hug and beautiful card. I waited 18 years to hear my child say happy mothers day and instead of being overjoyed I was SO SAD. She tried to bring Jeffrey home - in the card and hugs but there was only emptiness. A pain in my chest so great that all I could do was to lay in bed and watch mindless tv. I no longer watch my beloved comedies or romance movies. Now it's just mindless reality tv. Those don't remind me of Jeffrey.

I looked for Jeffrey yesterday and could not find him. I look for him in little things but he was not there.

Will I ever find Jeffrey again???????? I call for him every night before dropping off to sleep in the hopes of seeing him in my dreams - but he's never there.......
Comment by Robyn Hoffman on April 30, 2009 at 11:34pm
Here is the poem I was thinking of- I found it on the Internet.
Robyn


HEAVEN'S SPECIAL CHILD
Author presently unknown

A meeting was held quite far from earth,
It’s time again for another birth.
Said the angels to the Lord above;

This special child will need much love
His progress may be very slow,
Accomplishments he may not show.
And he’ll require extra care,
From the folks he meets down there,

He may not run or laugh or play,
His thoughts may seem quite far away.
In many ways he won’t adapt, and he’ll
Be known as handicapped.

So let’s be careful where he is sent, we want
His life to be content.

Please, Lord, find the good friends who, will
Do a special job for you.

They will not realize it right away, the leading
Role they’re asked to play.
But with this child sent from above, comes
Stronger faith and richer love.
And soon they will know the privileges given,
In caring for their gift from Heaven.
Their precious charge, so meek and mild, in

Heaven’s very special child.
Comment by Robyn Hoffman on April 30, 2009 at 11:18pm
Hello Group-
I have the most beautiful poem to share- but, I need to find it in Curt's Baby Book- I plan on digging through some of his stuff and I will enter it. It is called Heaven's Special Child" has anyone heard of it?

I was out on my motorcycle tonight- the memorial ribbon sticker in Memory of Curtis is on the lower right hand side of my windshield- it is so soothing... I have a heart pendant with some of his ashes- I wear it when I ride- so he is with me in true freedom on every ride I make! Oh, how he loved motorcycles...
Robyn
Robyn
Comment by Gisel Rivero on April 30, 2009 at 11:15pm
It's now been 10months since my Dylan passed away, and yet I still can't say the "D" word.. I always say that his gone or passed, I could say it in my head just not at loud and If I hear my husband or family member say it as to refering to my Dylan it makes me upset..Silly I know.The pain in my heart is still as heavy but somehow I can breath a little easier.. When ever I feel that I can't take it I just try to remember that they are no ventilators in heaven so my Dylan must be really happy since he had a love , hate relationship with his tube.. He would just stare at it for hours and try to make sounds, or he would smile at it. One of the nurses put a mirrior by his bed for him so he could look at himself.. Gee he loved that mirror. I just wish that I could see him again because I never dream with him, I do dream about him just not with him and that just kills me sometimes.. On June 29th it will be a year and I can't believe that May is already here. Tomorrow will the the aniverssary of the first time that I held him in my arms. Yes he was born in March and I didn't get to hold him until May 1st and that was only because he had a really good experienced rebel nurse that couldn't believe that I still hadn't held my baby. That day I held him until my right side was totally numb I think I held him for 5hrs and he loved every minute of it he just looked around and smiled oh and the look on the doctors face when he came, he was shocked to see Dylan in my arms but he quickly noticed that Dylan loved it and he made sure that he wrote it as an order that he was held by me everyday as long as he was doing good I love that doctor. He never ever for one minute give us any false hope about Dylan he just always knew the right way of telling us no sugar coating but the right way. Which makes a big difference when you are already hurting from all your hopes and dreams that a new baby brings being shattered and constanly thinking of what did I do between week 32 and week 37 that made him sick like this. Dylan moved all through the pregnancy and all my prenatal test were normal. I had my last ultra sound when I was 32 weeks and all was normal and at 37 weeks my c-section came and big surpise my baby couldn't breath on his own and he couldn't move. All he was able to do were facial expressions it was just crazy and as I sit here and write I'm sorry if am all over the place but I think my thoughts are faster than what I could type. It all still seems unreal...
XOXO
Gisel
Comment by Ana on April 30, 2009 at 9:24pm
Well said Gisel. Thank God for this group. Everyone's experiences are so different yet so similar. We are all united in our grief. We have so much to share with each other. I am sad to see the group grow. Heaven is gaining so many angels. The group growing means more mothers without their sons.
Comment by Gisel Rivero on April 29, 2009 at 4:54pm
Robyn Im so sorry for your loss heaven just gained another angel, God always takes the best. I know that they really arent any words to make it better. Just know that his in a much better place where he is no longer bound to his ventilator tube or his chair. That thought really gets me threw those hard days when I really miss my lil Dylan, but in heaven his free from tubes and that just brings a smile to my face along with tears, but yet a smile.. Just know that we are all here for eachother.. My prayers are with you and your family..
xoxo
Gisel
 

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