has anyone had an issue with their boy getting left out? austin seems liked by other kids, just had his birthday party here, kids came, he seemed to fit in. we found out that there have been several classmate birthday parties that he hasn't been invited to, literally the only one left out. he doesnt seem to know, or care, but i can help wonder why? we would stay, or do anything to help him be able to be there, but i think parents are scared. any advice on how to get him included? thanks

Views: 57

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Hi Jenn - that just happened to us on Friday. My daughter was at the bowling alley with her friends and saw that one of Nicholas's classmates was having a birthday party. Very awkward situation because my husband had already planned on bringing Nicholas and his brother there to play in the arcade - which he did (although I told him he shouldn't because I thought Nicholas would feel bad when he saw his friends). Amazingly he didn't think anything of it because he said his two "best friends" weren't invited either. I know of a couple sleep-overs he wasn't invited to, a laser tag party, and a rock climbing one. He does get left out but never complains unless he is really tired and feeling sorry for himself - that's when he mentions it all at once!!! It's very heartbreaking to see this happen but I don't really know what to do -- especially if the parents don't call and give the option of attending or not. I find that Nicholas avoids situations that he knows he can't participate in anyways. He refuses to go to the Christmas concert at school because he would have to sit on his scooter instead of standing on the stage like the other kids. Same with the Spring concert. He thinks everyone is staring at him. Sorry I can't help answer your question - but you are not alone anyways!!!
i think sometimes i feel worse than he does, this year has just been hard for us, austin has been able to "fake" normal in the past and his disability has become so much more obvious. he also avoids hard situations, my husband and i just have the attitude that we want him to be included, no matter what. he announced yesterday that he would rather not do our traditional x-mas tree cutting this year, he doesnt want to get dressed in snow clothes and go for a wagon ride etc. im sad, it feels like we will be doing less and less outings as a family now, and he is so much less interested in being out of the house. i just dont ever want him to think he isnt wanted, but i guess i cant do anything about how others see him. our house is the coolest anyway, we put in an indoor pool, giant accessable playroom with flat screen and game systems... all the kids want to be here, so that helps. austin hates being stared at too, he hates when people say stuff like "cool chair" or " i want a scooter like that" i dont blame him. i know we are not alone, its nice to hear that people are going thru the same thing, just wish we all lived close enough to have coffee while the boys play

Kim Innabi said:
Hi Jenn - that just happened to us on Friday. My daughter was at the bowling alley with her friends and saw that one of Nicholas's classmates was having a birthday party. Very awkward situation because my husband had already planned on bringing Nicholas and his brother there to play in the arcade - which he did (although I told him he shouldn't because I thought Nicholas would feel bad when he saw his friends). Amazingly he didn't think anything of it because he said his two "best friends" weren't invited either. I know of a couple sleep-overs he wasn't invited to, a laser tag party, and a rock climbing one. He does get left out but never complains unless he is really tired and feeling sorry for himself - that's when he mentions it all at once!!! It's very heartbreaking to see this happen but I don't really know what to do -- especially if the parents don't call and give the option of attending or not. I find that Nicholas avoids situations that he knows he can't participate in anyways. He refuses to go to the Christmas concert at school because he would have to sit on his scooter instead of standing on the stage like the other kids. Same with the Spring concert. He thinks everyone is staring at him. Sorry I can't help answer your question - but you are not alone anyways!!!
I know, it would be great to live closer. I have to admit, when I hear people comment to Nicholas, "cool scooter, I wish I could have one too", I just want to say to them "you can have his scooter, now give him your ability to walk, you moron!!!". People are so dumb, do they actually think our kids use wheelchairs and scooters because it's fun or they are too lazy to walk and we are just indulging them? So annoying and it happens at least twice every time we go somewhere. It sounds like you made your house the "cool place to be" so in the future everyone will come to Austin's to hang out. Good thinking and a perfect solution :)

jenn said:
i think sometimes i feel worse than he does, this year has just been hard for us, austin has been able to "fake" normal in the past and his disability has become so much more obvious. he also avoids hard situations, my husband and i just have the attitude that we want him to be included, no matter what. he announced yesterday that he would rather not do our traditional x-mas tree cutting this year, he doesnt want to get dressed in snow clothes and go for a wagon ride etc. im sad, it feels like we will be doing less and less outings as a family now, and he is so much less interested in being out of the house. i just dont ever want him to think he isnt wanted, but i guess i cant do anything about how others see him. our house is the coolest anyway, we put in an indoor pool, giant accessable playroom with flat screen and game systems... all the kids want to be here, so that helps. austin hates being stared at too, he hates when people say stuff like "cool chair" or " i want a scooter like that" i dont blame him. i know we are not alone, its nice to hear that people are going thru the same thing, just wish we all lived close enough to have coffee while the boys play

Kim Innabi said:
Hi Jenn - that just happened to us on Friday. My daughter was at the bowling alley with her friends and saw that one of Nicholas's classmates was having a birthday party. Very awkward situation because my husband had already planned on bringing Nicholas and his brother there to play in the arcade - which he did (although I told him he shouldn't because I thought Nicholas would feel bad when he saw his friends). Amazingly he didn't think anything of it because he said his two "best friends" weren't invited either. I know of a couple sleep-overs he wasn't invited to, a laser tag party, and a rock climbing one. He does get left out but never complains unless he is really tired and feeling sorry for himself - that's when he mentions it all at once!!! It's very heartbreaking to see this happen but I don't really know what to do -- especially if the parents don't call and give the option of attending or not. I find that Nicholas avoids situations that he knows he can't participate in anyways. He refuses to go to the Christmas concert at school because he would have to sit on his scooter instead of standing on the stage like the other kids. Same with the Spring concert. He thinks everyone is staring at him. Sorry I can't help answer your question - but you are not alone anyways!!!
I would guess that sometimes our boys are not invited because other parents feel bad inviting them if the activity is something that they don't think our boys can do. The other parents don't want to rub it in. One preemptive measure would be to send a general letter home to the parents of your son's classmates at the beginning of the year. Basically, introduce your son to the parents. The letter could include the disease, how it affects your son, etc. Also, include how your son is like every other boy (likes videa games, watches sports, loves legos, etc.). Make it personal. Somewhere include in there a note about birthday parties and offer to help your son with activities. Educating the parents will help them to be knowledgable if their sons ever bring up your son's disease at home. It may also deter some of the dumb comments that seem so inevitable. I haven't had to write this letter yet, but I have alot of it mentally written.
thats a good idea, we have always done a "medical" letter home, about illness and immune system supression, etc, i had never thought to add social stuff. i guess i feel like austin is easier to have over than other boys his age, he doesnt run around, destroy stuff, hes content and easy to entertain... i can think of kids in his class that id rather leave off a party list, but we never do because i think its mean! its one thing if you are inviting a few boys for a sleep over and leave out a bunch, but to only leave one boy in a class out is just wrong!
Danelle Dickerson said:
I would guess that sometimes our boys are not invited because other parents feel bad inviting them if the activity is something that they don't think our boys can do. The other parents don't want to rub it in. One preemptive measure would be to send a general letter home to the parents of your son's classmates at the beginning of the year. Basically, introduce your son to the parents. The letter could include the disease, how it affects your son, etc. Also, include how your son is like every other boy (likes videa games, watches sports, loves legos, etc.). Make it personal. Somewhere include in there a note about birthday parties and offer to help your son with activities. Educating the parents will help them to be knowledgable if their sons ever bring up your son's disease at home. It may also deter some of the dumb comments that seem so inevitable. I haven't had to write this letter yet, but I have alot of it mentally written.
I think this is wonderful and exactly what I would do...we are not yet in this situation...Riley is only in 1st grade and we are not from the community of the school he attends. For the past two years only two of his classmates have atteded his birthday parties and he has NEVER received an invitation from any other child...he just hasn't noticed yet. I have assumed that at this point, Riley is not invited because the other parents do not know us or our child since we live outside of the community. When it does become an issue, I think the letter is great, however, I think it would be absolutely ok to send it at any point during the year, not just the begining. I also anticipate having to make 'extra' efforts for Riley to ensure that his classmates view him as another boy to hang out with by trying a little harder to get to know the other parents personally and continually inviting kids over to play or sleep over so that Riley is included when events happen. Just some thoughts.

Danelle Dickerson said:
I would guess that sometimes our boys are not invited because other parents feel bad inviting them if the activity is something that they don't think our boys can do. The other parents don't want to rub it in. One preemptive measure would be to send a general letter home to the parents of your son's classmates at the beginning of the year. Basically, introduce your son to the parents. The letter could include the disease, how it affects your son, etc. Also, include how your son is like every other boy (likes videa games, watches sports, loves legos, etc.). Make it personal. Somewhere include in there a note about birthday parties and offer to help your son with activities. Educating the parents will help them to be knowledgable if their sons ever bring up your son's disease at home. It may also deter some of the dumb comments that seem so inevitable. I haven't had to write this letter yet, but I have alot of it mentally written.
i agree also, the funny thin is that we have lots of kids over here, in fact they always invite themselves and call to come over it seems that parents, not kids, are overlooking austin. i realize its a fact of life, and have gone out of my way to talk with his friends parents in hopes that it will change things. austin is also new to this school, they may just feel like they dont know him. either way, we'll be fine, we always are

Rhiannon Traigle said:
I think this is wonderful and exactly what I would do...we are not yet in this situation...Riley is only in 1st grade and we are not from the community of the school he attends. For the past two years only two of his classmates have atteded his birthday parties and he has NEVER received an invitation from any other child...he just hasn't noticed yet. I have assumed that at this point, Riley is not invited because the other parents do not know us or our child since we live outside of the community. When it does become an issue, I think the letter is great, however, I think it would be absolutely ok to send it at any point during the year, not just the begining. I also anticipate having to make 'extra' efforts for Riley to ensure that his classmates view him as another boy to hang out with by trying a little harder to get to know the other parents personally and continually inviting kids over to play or sleep over so that Riley is included when events happen. Just some thoughts.

Danelle Dickerson said:
I would guess that sometimes our boys are not invited because other parents feel bad inviting them if the activity is something that they don't think our boys can do. The other parents don't want to rub it in. One preemptive measure would be to send a general letter home to the parents of your son's classmates at the beginning of the year. Basically, introduce your son to the parents. The letter could include the disease, how it affects your son, etc. Also, include how your son is like every other boy (likes videa games, watches sports, loves legos, etc.). Make it personal. Somewhere include in there a note about birthday parties and offer to help your son with activities. Educating the parents will help them to be knowledgable if their sons ever bring up your son's disease at home. It may also deter some of the dumb comments that seem so inevitable. I haven't had to write this letter yet, but I have alot of it mentally written.

Reply to Discussion

RSS

Need help using this community site? Visit Ning's Help Page.

Members

Events

© 2019   Created by PPMD.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Privacy Policy  |  Terms of Service