My son Nicolas is in 4th grade. He is a very innocent-like child in many ways. But I do admit that sometimes he can annoy or aggravate certain kids in certain situations. That being said today, I picked up Nicolas and he told me that a classmate, who has bullied him in the past, told Nicolas that he was going to break his ankles and then break his head off and play basketball with it and then dance on Nicolas' grave, to the song Gangham Style.
Now, I also have to preface this by saying that the children in Nicolas' school have a hop a thon for MDA this week, and were learning about Duchenne. This kid told Nicolas that he was "weak" and then said these horrible, sick and disgusting things to Nicolas. He was saying that since Nicolas is weak, he will break his ankles, and head off. How is this ok or sane to say?
Needless to say, as soon as I heard this I emailed Nicolas' teachers, principal and school counselor. I also used my expertise with working for an attorney (legal assistant for over 15 years), and stated that I'm putting them on notice since the school has a zero tolerance policy for bullying, that I demand the full extent of this policy be used on these 2 kids who said these awful things to my son, and also that if nothing is done, I will obtain legal services.
This wasn't just kids saying mean things, they were also being discriminatory by making fun of his disease to threaten him with bodily harm.
I understand that these are just grammar school children, and only 10 or 11, but where do we draw the line? There are 6 year olds shooting other 6 year olds in school; there is bullying everyday wherein children get hurt or killed or commit suicide. Should I not be so hard on the children, the school or the district? Or should I proceed full speed ahead to defend Nicolas and make sure these boys are dealt with with as harsh a punishment that can come to them? I'm a bit conflicted here.
I also, totally feel that the one boy who was making most of the comments, especially the one about dancing on my son's grave, is learning this at home. And as I always try to teach Nicolas, sometimes bullies are being bullied at home, and it's not totally their fault. But I am so freakin sick of this kid, and disgusted with what he said and why he said it - because he learned a bit more about DMD.
So now I'm going to have to face meetings and a decision on how hard I need and want to push this. I just want to defend Nicolas and want him to enjoy school and enjoy life. I am absolutely appalled, mortified, sickened, upset, repulsed and just plain pissed off with this kid and his violent and ignorant comments. I want him out of my son's life and would love if he were suspended or expelled. I know that sounds mean, but I am so fed up already.
Any suggestions or advice???
I say, "You go girl!" We have to follow through on this stuff.
You have to protect your son. And by intervening, you may be helping the bully by having him change his ways early enough, before he gets into serious trouble with the law. They have to learn that they can't just say whatever they feel like. There are consequences to words and actions.
Best of luck,
So I met with the principal, vice principle and one of Nicolas' teachers this morning. The principal - was very politically correct and stating that they have to do their due diligence and interview the other children and lunchroom teacher, etc. Which I definitely get and understand. And I was very professional and didn't rant and rave - this time. But I did keep hitting the point home with them that I want these children punished! We have a zero tolerance policy in our district, and I want their parents notified, and want punishment for them. I want CONSEQUENCES! So they kept reiterating the due diligence and having to get to the core, etc etc. Which again - I UNDERSTAND!
So we left the meeting with the idea that interviews and meetings will be taking place around this issue. Just got a call from the principal and vice principal, and they gave me a status of the interviews done. The kids did say what Nicolas had said was said. There were threats of violence and the comment about dancing on his grave. It started because my Nicolas was being a 10 year old boy, and saying silly crap at the lunch table about eating boogers and licking the floor, you know typical gross stuff. And then these two boys said these horrible and violent things.
So I thanked them for letting me know how the interviews went, and reiterated - I WANT THESE BOYS PUNISHED!!! Then the principal continued (he annoys me a bit - can you tell?), that they have to "discuss" and they have to "teach" the boys how to behave correctly, etc. etc. And I told him that I understood and agreed and reiterated that I WANT THEM TO BE PUNISHED!! I was told that this will be done and also assured that their parents will be given a call to discuss what transpired.
DO YOU EVER GET THE FEELING THAT YOU'RE GETTING NO WHERE WITH THE SCHOOLS??? I also was told that they wouldn't be able to let me know what form of punishment will be instilled because of privacy laws. Which again, I GET - however, I really want to make sure that these little shits don't only get a "talking to" and a slap on the wrist (not like you can do that corporal punishment stuff anymore - but I would love to in this case), or something as menial as no recess for a day or two. I really feel like I am out for blood on this! I want their heads to roll (so to speak). I want suspension!!! I was going for expulsion, but they are only 10 or 11 and no weapons were pulled out or anything scary like that - but verbal threats are just as scary - especially to a little guy that can't outrun these bullies! I say definite suspension, AND take away recess for remainder of the year. That'll teach em!
Ok - so I saved my ranting and raving for all of you to enjoy!