Hi everyone , as some of you may already know I lost my little angel Dylan almost 5 months ago. Right now I just feel so upset. Thanksgiving is in 3 days, and am just not in the mood. I know that am thankful for my son David's health, for my health and my great husband. Don't get wrong I am thankful for the things that I should be thankful for, but my Dylan is still gone and it hurts and it's hard. At the same time I don't feel thankful I feel angry I don't know if anyone understands what I mean. It's so hard for friends to understand because they have never lost a child or have a child that is sick. They often tell me that I need to let go, but how can I when am no longer who I used to be and I know that am never going to be that person again. I know they don't mean to say anything hurtful, they just don't know what to say. I find it funny when people asume all because I have a smile on my face that am not thinking about Dylan, when he's the first thought and my last before I go to bed at night.

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I don't know what to say. My son has dmd and my heart breaks every day for the future that lies ahead unless we change it. I still have my son. I have lost some important people in my life but never a child. No parent should ever have to endure the loss of a child. I hope you can find comfort in your memories for your Dylan, knowing he is always with you in heart and spirit.

I have had my mother and others tell me that I need to stay strong for my other children. I no longer have my mother with me but her presence and the love I have for her has never stopped. So, I hope somehow you are able to find comfort. The holidays ahead will be hard. Try to hold on to the thoughts, memories and love you have in your life.

I really don't know what to say and hope what I have said does not offend or hurt you. I am just trying to search out something to say.

Your angel and family are in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care.

All the best,

Hey Gisel,

Yes, holidays are tough for me as well. I think it always will be. I tend to get a little in the dumps around Christmas anyways. I'm trying to get in the spirit by buying a few new decorations. I bought one that says... Be Merry. I put it up where I can see it in hopes that it will help me to snap out of it when I'm feeling low.

Last year was our first Christmas missing Kenny. None of us really had the emotional energy to put up the tree and decorate the darn thing. What we did was... put the tree up with lights, but it only had like four ornaments on it. Each one was in memory of Kenny. My daughter started it that way and we all agreed that that was the way the tree would be. She bought me a beautiful silver ornament in the shape of a heart that opened and inside was a picture of all of us with Kenny. The reading on the front says... We never lose the one we love- they live on in our hearts. One of the other ornaments that I love was one left on our porch by a friend. It reads.... Merry Christmas, I love you all dearly, Now don't shed a tear, I'm spending my Christmas With Jesus this year.... From Heaven.

Those special ornaments really helped us deal with Christmas in our own way. Do what makes you happy... people will eventually come around as you let them know it's OK to talk about Dylan.
It's coming up on two years now and Kenny is still in my thoughts first thing in the morning and in my last thoughts before I sleep. It's OK to have all the feelings you're having and I think it's very helpful to be able to talk about those feelings. I thank God for those memories because it would be unbearable to have none. Have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving.

Love, Mary
Dear Gisel:

I don't have any words of wisdom but I felt that I needed to acknowledge your post and your pain. I don't know what it's like to lose a child, but I'm afraid of finding out what it's like to lose a grandchild and I can only say that you and all the other parents, especially the mothers, who have lost a child are in my prayers every night. I just ask God to give you the strength to go on for your other children and the peace to know that those in heaven are safe and loved and still with us in spirit.

Love, Donna
Thank you all for all your words of comfort, I often forget that it's okay to feel this way. It just sucks when everyone around me always expects me to still be as strong as I was when Dylan was in the NICU,but they fail to realize that I didn't have time to be anything else but strong because I didn't want to waste a day without him. Even before we knew how bad it was, I always knew I would loose him, am his mom a mom always knows. My son David loves to go in Dylan's room to play with the moblie and somtimes it begins tears and other times smiles since Dylan did use it at the NICU. Those are the memories that I need to hold on to because although he wasn't here a very long time we did make memories to last a lifetime. My 3 year old just had to have our tree up this year, bless his little heart he doesn't understand am just not in a mood for the holidays. So finally I put it up I began to think of how life just sucks , and how short life is so I put up the tree for him under one condition no oraments he was more than fine with that. Then he reminded me that we did have an orament to put up. Dylan's hand prints that we had done at the hospital. So that is the one and only orament hanging on our tree and everymorning David says that we have a beauitful tree. I thank god everyday that I have such a sweet and wise little boy. SO may everyone have a blessed thanksgiving.
Love, Gisel

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